Well here is my first post for 2012. A long time waiting, I know. It has been an interesting year. A year of change, a year of rebuilding; rethinking. But most of all evolving.
Sense of Direction BlurredCertain events had unfolded in the latter part of 2011 which saw me thrown off track for a good chunk of the first half of the year. No matter how focused one is on their goals, how determined or how clearly they see the path laid out before them, the reality is that when one part of your life begins to crack, the rest follows behind as the supports weaken, quickly collapsing in on itself. It's hard to pull one's self out of such decay. The loss of motivation, of that drive which is so important, renders any talent possessed useless. Yes it was still there, but the great energy I used to fuel it had become depleted and my sense of direction blurred.
A Transformation Begins
Other parts of my life began to come into focus. Such as developing my social skills and confidence. For the first time in a long time, I was forced to truly get to know myself through my own loneliness. The way I looked, the way I interacted, the way I thought. Before, my life centered on my work and my relationship. Now that relationship was gone, and my work seemed to loose it's meaning. It was strange because I had it stuck in my head that at least without having to maintain a relationship, I would have more time to focus on developing my skills and evolving as an artist (which does take a lot of time), but it was as if the reason behind trying so hard with my work had disappeared after that point. In the end it was something that needed to happen, a point in my life that was long over due to come, for I had let myself deteriorate to the point where it was those two things, and those two things only that defined me, not just to others but myself.
My painting, and modelling practice began to diminish, to once a week or less. But on the other hand, I was going out more, socializing, putting myself out there, venturing into places foreign to me. It was hard, because I was shy, introverted, but that was the reason I needed to do this. If I did what I'd always done, I'd get what I'd always gotten, and I knew that if I wanted to become comfortable around people, if I wanted to become confident and out going, then just like with my drawing that is what I'd have to practice.
Metamorphoses Complete
Soon enough, I recreated my life, formed new social circles, close friends, and developed a confidence which took away a lot of the fear that went along with social interaction. My speaking, and sentence structure had improved, the way I expressed my ideas and thoughts had improved. I became more independent then I'd ever been before, became my own person, comfortable in my own skin. I even found a new and greater love which brought along with it a new burst of creative energy and inspiration.
Now where did that leave me and my art? Well. Luckily I was resilient enough not to completely crumble and never really ever completely stopped working. I slept more, went out more, but I still made sure I found the time to paint or draw. There reached a point where this little self transformation I'd undergone completed itself.
Refocusing
One of the personal decisions I made in regards to my art work was to drop the dream of getting into comics. The more I did my research the more I found that the industry and market for comics was beginning to dwindle (despite the super hero movie increase in recent years). Times have changed from when comics were considered a source of entertainment, it was the fan boys now that kept the industry going while the new generations went home to serf the web, play on their smart phone or console. To make things even more discouraging the guys who had made it into companies like Marvel or DC were underpaid for the amount of work and man hours they put in, unless you were an absolute pro who at the same time was in high demand. And if you wanted to go indie you'd be in a world of hurt, losing more money then you were making in all likely hood.
So I decided to turn my attention to my Concept Art and 3d modelling. Rather then practicing line weights and cross hatching techniques I started learning about lighting values and colour theory, design and composition. After all, the games industry was one of the biggest, if not the biggest player in the world of entertainment. It seemed like the smartest decision I could make, the most worthy investment for the energy and effort I would put into my new en devour. Games were always something I had applied my art too, but it seemed that now this direction had come into sharp focus, and there was no more confusion left about the industry I wanted to work in.
This decision also complimented my teaching in the Advanced Diploma Games Development course. After undertaking some extra classes in 3D modelling and Visual Design, I needed to do research to ensure I was teaching the most up-to-date content in the world of game development (technology moves at such a rapid speed that there is no choice but to continue learning and discovering new features and techniques). This in turn helped me to further develop my own skills and develop as an artist in the field I'd chosen to stick with.
Stagnation
I have gone through my ups and downs this year which I am so thankful for, because now, I have never known myself better, nor have I ever been in a better place in life. All the experiences I've gone through, for better or for worse have gotten me to this point. I am in a good place, but I must continue to move forward, putting my foot down on the accelerator and really pushing my self to gain back the work ethic I once had. Because without that, all the talent in the world will not save me. I have learned a lot along the way, personally, technically and philosophically. But there is still much left to conquer and I will, I must continue to evolve. A body of water which moves is the purist, cleanest water you can find, but when it comes to a stand still it will stagnate, become a swamp for breeding insects. This I strongly believe is so true to life. We must continue to move, learn, evolve and develop otherwise we will stagnate. Part of the beauty of life is change, thus we must grow. The journey never ends, so it's important to remember that the walk we take along that path means more then to where it leads.
http://www.claytonbartonartist.com/
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